lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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