why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
