so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
