Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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