My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
