Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's never too late to be topless.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
