I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
