I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
