I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
