This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
