I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
