hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
