Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
