I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That's intense
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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