He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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