theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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