it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
