literally had 100 drinks last night.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
