Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
