she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
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He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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