what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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