My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
