Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
