Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
