I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
