I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
