Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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