My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
