I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
