My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
