Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
