Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just saw a hot homeless man
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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