Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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