just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
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I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
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A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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