My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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