Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
