yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
