I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
