You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
