I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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