i barfeds in our rink
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
