You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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