I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
