what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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