Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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