New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
