Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sobbing to NWA
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
