So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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