i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
His nipple licking is glorious
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