Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
