Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
