how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
