My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
