I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
