just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
