Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
