woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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