Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
4 words: hood of his car
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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