How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
