Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
