how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
