Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
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