Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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