do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
