ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
