you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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