also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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