then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize